I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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