so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im holly from the hills drunk
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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