She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
