theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
