Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
