It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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