today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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