After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Someone shattered a urinal.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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