i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
