I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
