I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
