I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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