Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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