we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize