Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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