I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
