He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
