I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
