we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
