Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
