That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
