I didn't shave. On purpose
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
