Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."

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  (214): Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15." http://tfl.nu/wu1w
  Replies (33) Good night (1141) Bad night (3727)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm jealous

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My throat feels like a candle.

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  (270): T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English. (1-270): I'm jealous (270): My throat feels like a candle. http://tfl.nu/vpw9
  Replies (31) Good night (7751) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does

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  (617): I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does http://tfl.nu/o8tg
  Replies (21) Good night (856) Bad night (5606)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.

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  (712): He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him. http://tfl.nu/xqld
  Replies (30) Good night (5792) Bad night (2025)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn

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  (303): its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn http://tfl.nu/fhqp
  Replies (12) Good night (2896) Bad night (1315)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.

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  (+44): I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/4b20
  Replies (7) Good night (601) Bad night (1498)
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  (805): View more from California

  The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.

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  (805): The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out. http://tfl.nu/nl9o
  Replies (3) Good night (533) Bad night (912)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  I will be over with a bedpan and beer

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  (417): I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again (1-417): I will be over with a bedpan and beer http://tfl.nu/dsbf
  Replies (3) Good night (679) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.

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  (306): we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too. http://tfl.nu/4mc0
  Replies (6) Good night (1262) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.

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  (405): Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day. http://tfl.nu/fi0j
  Replies (4) Good night (624) Bad night (300)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.

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  (404): Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world. http://tfl.nu/lt97
  Replies (8) Good night (390) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.

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  (630): he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding. http://tfl.nu/dq8r
  Replies (2) Good night (271) Bad night (559)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.

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  (540): I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober. http://tfl.nu/w9j5
  Replies (1) Good night (788) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.

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  (780): Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder. http://tfl.nu/8jwr
  Replies (1) Good night (226) Bad night (447)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...

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  (231): it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month... http://tfl.nu/7y04
  Replies (0) Good night (89) Bad night (225)

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