I want to stick my p in your. b.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
