I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"