I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
