well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
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Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
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Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin