How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
