his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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