I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
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After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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