I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
