i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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