Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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