Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Let's get the cat blown out
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
