I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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