it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
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I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
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Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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