whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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