dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she looked like the before picture.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
