she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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