wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
