does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
