I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
