Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
