New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize