all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Randomize
