I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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