one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
