mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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