Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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