Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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