there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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