Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
