Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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