Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
