I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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