Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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