Pappa wants mamma naked
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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