He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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