when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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