Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
