I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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