If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
