Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
