You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never un-have a 4some
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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