just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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