Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
please come you make the beer taste better
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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