My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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